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Poetry Page

These are some poems written by women who've had abortions. The poems are about abortion, and about feelings and recovering after an abortion. Some just deal with life in general. Poetry is a beautiful way to express certain types of feelings. Some women use poetry as a way to deal with rage and grief from their abortion, so some of these poems can contain words and phrases that may be 'triggering'; if you are feeling upset or sensitive today, it would be better to skip the poems for now.

A Special Collection - the poems of "df"

Note: This section is not accepting any more submissions at this time - please post any new poetry at the Poetry & Songs Message Board

Poetry

  • Name: Lynda
    PoemName: The Letter
    Author: Lynda
    Poem: I suppose a letter must have a name to whom receives the page,
    AS with time we grow and enter an altered phase,
    So see I left you nameless perhaps for dignity,
    To understand myself to not make up what shall never be,
    Perhaps I found you quite by surpass,
    And the matter of life was hard to realize.
    In question rage I sent you off to find peace beyond the clouds that rain,
    And does it matter in my eyes I never meant to cause you any pain,
    I hope you dont frown upon the child that did spawn,
    Do you feel I cheated you because you life is gone,
    To entwine in bitterness and never let you go,
    that would be so wrong of me when you will never know.

    Forgive as I speak the truth as hard as it may be to digest,
    I admit I found you troublesome and wanted to put my life at rest,
    I admit I was not thinking in the interest of a child,
    And from this moment forward my dreams a vivid rage run wild.
    To see quite merely in retrospect I was in clear case denial,
    coming to peace and ending this dream will take a little while.
    I know I've put you in heavens above a world to be explored,
    and perhaps you may never know what is to be adored.
    It seems in twilight's grasping hours I found the voice,
    the one who spoke to me and forgave me for this choice.

    And yet in spite of all the weakness and deprivations I have found a way to think not just of yesterday,
    To think of future stabilities and in my own small confinement I will speak of you when I pray.

    I cannot call you mine or hold you as my own,
    I can not speak of incidence without a bitter tone.
    I gave you to the stronger man who had a will for you,
    Perhaps your sole is with another mom who will be forever true.

    and I can simply smile in depth of my belief,
    that this was not a drama set for me to live eternal grief.
    I can look upon the bible and its fading pages,
    For god he would forgive simply because of human rages.
    He has looked upon me and given me more than I gave you,
    HE has touched with soft touched hands something so untrue.
    I can face my life ahead and do now what is kind,
    and in my years I will learn and the truth shall at my death unwind.
    I will be in heavens arms to speak of only love as the angels dance upon the stars,
    Go will pick me up and heal these awful scars.
    I will remember you I will remember what we both went through,
    I will remember of your innocence and strength to hold on as you did to life,
    I will remember we both had to deal with deadly strife.
    I will look about the sky and dream into the sun,
    and up beyond the mountains tops you could freely run.
    And your soul will go to a woman somewhere who will surely care.
    To let you know of living and choices we make that were so unfair.
    I blame not you for anything ,
    I blame only greedance and the lack of knowledge that rusted within a diamond ring.
    I blame only a spinning world that never taught of child nor destiny.
    I will live full and peaceful and know you are in the heavens awaiting purification o express your energy.

  • Name: Rhia
    PoemName: Dear "MARC"
    Author: Rhia
    Poem: oh my dear sweet child
    i'm so sorry for all your pain
    especially the one i caused
    that will forever stain
    come back to me later
    when things are stable and clear
    despite my painful choice
    i always loved you my dear
    oh i wish that you were still
    here inside of me
    kicking, growing healthily
    so innocent and care free
    but on that fatal day
    implicit as i was
    i came with you within
    and left you there without....

  • Name: Valerie
    PoemName: Am I A Mother
    Author: Valerie
    Poem: Am I A Mother?

    It's Mother's Day, and I ask myself
    Am I a mother? Do I have that right?
    I lost you years ago,
    But I still feel you in my heart.

    I tried my best to do my best,
    But didn't feel I had a choice.
    Does that mean I'm not a mother?
    Did I choose that as well?

    I see the world go passing by.
    I see the babies passing by.
    I see my life passing by.
    Where is my baby? Am I a mother?

    I made a choice many years ago.
    I chose not to be your mother.
    But here you are, still in my heart.
    Do you still love me? Am I your mother?

    I am so sorry for the choice that I made.
    I love you and I wish you were here.
    You will always be me lost angel.
    Will I always be your mother?

    Love, Valerie...to my Kasey Rae

  • Name: Alice
    PoemName: The Bath
    Author: Alice
    Poem: The Bath

    again they begin
    with low insistent thrum.
    they throb and pulse inside her head
    (so softly poised to hear them come)
    those keenly felt vibrations
    of remembered yesterdays

    yet, tedium's a weak defense
    'gainst dull, familiar pain
    and is inexorably overcome
    by mordant taste of innocence degraded.

    so, her beleaguered mind succumbs
    and memories of long ago
    prompt her to rise.

    deliberately, her somber tasks ordained,
    she lights a candle to commemorate
    each year she's lived without him
    and incense permeates the space
    while she, with practiced grace,
    draws water warm and clear,
    then sinks into the sacred pool
    which gathers up her tears.

    with solemn tread, in predictable procession,
    the ritual cast appears to cut across
    her inward visual plane.
    See there!
    the medical profession
    Look!
    demonstrators choosing life
    Alas!
    a priest in black
    At last!
    a child in white, who
    smiling, pure
    withdraws when she lets lose the water.

    cleansed and momentarily complete
    she bids him go, but knows the pain
    (only temporarily relieved)
    ensures that she'll repeat such baths again.

  • Name: Alice
    PoemName: The Yard Sale
    Author: Alice
    Poem: The Yard Sale

    Morning sun shimmers through windows
    framed in delicate turquoise light.

    His hair ignites in flames
    and light shines through him
    as he sits on the floor
    legs positioned in a perfect V.

    His gaze falls on a pile of round, square, triangular shapes,
    an obsession for months.

    His hands move with laser-like precision
    as he puts the shapes in place.

    Excuse me, how much is that toy?
    The strange light fades
    and she turns back to the yard sale.

    Oh, that'll be $3.
    Your girl's just the right age for it.
    If she's like my boy, it'll hold her attention for a while, then
    when she's ready
    she'll let it go
    she'll move on.

    As she pockets the money,
    she the light changes again,
    a frequent occurrence since the medication.

    Hmmm . . . he doesn't usually appear outside. . ..
    wonder why he came to the yard sale? . . .
    just a bunch of old stuff I don't need any more. . .

    He sits on her faded quilt
    the shapes spread out before him.

    He smiles, invites her to sit down, and offers her one.

    She tries the round hole first, then the square one --
    it doesn't fit.
    That's OK, try it again.
    This time she gets it right
    and he claps his hands in delight
    reminding her of a boy who moved on long ago
    to a place where she could not follow.

  • Name: Alice
    PoemName: The Great Event
    Author: Alice
    Poem: THE GREAT EVENT

    Each life is driven by a Great Event.
    It governs all, is formative, controls.
    For some it's Love, for others Fame, Success.

    in contrast to an otherwise flat plane, this moment towers tall,

    A MONUMENT

    FROM ANY PLACE ALONG THE PLANE, IT'S SEEN

    As A Dominating Force,

    A BASIC ELEMENT!
    ...
    (emphasis, the author)
    ...

    When first it happens, -- nonchalance, disdain.
    That this event, so trivial, could claim
    A moment's thought -- absurd, banal, inane!

    ...
    (time passes)
    ...

    And yet -- as years go by the Great Event
    Is reexamined in detail -- reframed.
    So many times rejustified -- explained.

    "I was right. I know I was.
    I couldn't have done it better.
    It troubles me. I know not why.
    Damn conscience! Loose thy fetters!"
    ...
    (more time passes)
    ...

    "Good grief. It's morning.
    I've got to wake up.
    Roll out. Make coffee.
    I got to have a cup.

    "Hi ho! Hi ho!
    It's off to work I go.
    I will be late. I will be late.
    This traffic is too slow!"

    The traffic fades. His voice again!
    And those oft' repeated phrases.
    "I love you, Dear. You know I do.
    But we can't afford this baby."
    "I love you too, my life, my love.
    My God, you make me crazy!"

    Honk, honk! It's green!
    Will you just go!
    I see in my rear view mirror,
    a fellow traveler -- angry now.
    "Oh, yes. That was his finger!"

    "Excuse me sir. I didn't mean
    to delay you in any way.
    Forgive me please. I'm with it now.
    I'm gone. I'm underway."

    ...
    (some more time passes)
    ...

    "I'm late again.
    Oh, me. Oh, my.
    The therapist at 3:00.
    The cat is sick.
    The grocery list.
    Geez. Now I have to pee!"

    "Come in my dear. How was your week?"
    "OK. I had that dream again."
    "The one with blood? That sense of dread?"
    "Yes, that's the one. Something was dead."

    ...
    (even more time passes)
    ...

    On Sabbath morn I don a gown of white.
    The symbolism plain. I'll be made right.
    I think of other gowns, so clean and bright,
    Of weddings, clinics -- then, the tears at night.
    Repentant now, I kneel, my heart contrite.
    "Forgive me, Lord, I am
    In great need of your Lamb."

    In quietude I am assured by God,
    "He paid the price: He set you free." How odd,
    I think. "His gift of life so freely given --
    Contrast that to my sin. Why, I have riven
    Out of this womb, one of His own dear sons.
    And yet, He counts it not."
    I sigh and look to Heaven.

    It's time to go. The pastor takes my hand.
    He leads me into waters pooled for me.
    I sink and rise again. He helps me stand.
    I tremble some and shake. I truly see
    Why God did give his Son for such as me.
    I am his own. He loves me so.
    He could not let me go.

  • Name: Marty
    PoemName: Child in the mirror, Lies in the shadows
    Author: Marty (Dedicated to me would-be son Marc)
    Poem: I wake yet to another day,
    nothing has changed, all stays the same.
    Something is different, I've grown in some way.
    This day, this day, I know it, I've changed.
    I find comfort in shadows, but what can they do?
    Nothing I tell you!, it was just much too soon.
    This image I see, yes, i know him.
    He reminds me of me, so young, so dim.
    I long for the feeling I felt long ago.
    This person, this being, I so want to hold.
    I know in my heart the troubles he will face.
    Fourtune has told me, his fate will I see.
    To hold him and tell him his life is not over.
    We'll meet again, as we all get older.
    No luxury can I taste for this young boy at hand.
    Stop!, this man reminds me too much...of me.
    No shadow can hide the destiny at stake,
    His fate, oh God, please let me take.
    Why, oh God why, does it hurt me so bad.
    This image, it stinks, it makes me quite mad.
    The woman who bore him I love so dear,
    But I lost her too, in the shadows of fear.
    What can I say to those that I hurt,
    I'll love you forever, this love I'll exert!
    I'm sorry for not realizing the pain that I give,
    Your love I want now, my life do I give.
    Slowly I walk towards this mysterious foe.
    Only to realize, this boy, this man, this creature, this image...is of mine!

  • Name: sarah
    PoemName: and the tears fall
    Author: sarah
    Poem: They yell at me they scorn at me,
    and the tears fall.
    They joke at me and make fun at me as if I wasn't there.
    And the tears fall.
    go to sleep child and never awaken!
    but then who will they yell, scorn, joke or make fun at?
    yes go to sleep child and never awaken then maybe their tears will fall for once.

  • Name: SMT
    PoemName: Sometimes
    Author: SMT
    Sometimes I feel a baby in my arms,
    but she's gone,
    I caused her harm.

    Sometimes a hear a baby cry,
    but it's not her,
    I made her die.

    Sometimes I think I could have made a better choice,
    Was I selfish?
    Was I dumb?
    I was scared.
    I was young.

    Sometimes I think she'll be mine again,
    but she's angry,
    she is hurt.
    I was wrong,
    I don't deserve her.

    Sometimes I think I'm better off dead,
    but that won't help,
    I push it out of my head.

    Sometimes I feel a baby in my arms,
    but it's not her,
    I caused her harm.

    Always I wish to change my past mistakes,
    but it's too late,
    it's too late.


  • Name: Tess
    PoemName: Cold slimy jelly
    Author: Tess

    Cold slimy jelly
    Running slick on my belly

    Stop talking about what you see
    Don't tell me anything.
    Thankfully, the screen is turned away from me.

    Why do they talk as if I'm not here?
    Like I'm here because I want to know?

    i do want to know
    i do want to know

    i wish i could
    i wish i could

    Get me out of here quick

  • Author: Tess
    Poem: Gaping hollow in my chest

    A place where you hold what is
    closest to you
    part of you

    A deep ravine
    Full of aches and wind

    Arms wanting to hold
    And feeling nothing

  • Name: Tess
    PoemName: waiting
    Author: Tess


    In a cold room
    Pink blanket cocoons
    Sit and sleep
    Sit and wait
    Sit and stare
    Sit and do anything
    But think of why we are there

  • Name: Annette
    PoemName: Forgive Me!
    Author: Annette


    Every time I shut my eyes,
    This feeling inside me is more than I can take.
    When you look down on me can you feel how much I love you?
    I have never felt this pain for anyone or anything.
    I could see your pain,
    I could've seen your dreams.
    I don't know how I did what I did.
    I do love you.
    It just keeps getting worse.
    I will spend the rest of my life with you in my heart.
    Forever and ever.
    I am astonished by you.
    The thought of your eyes,
    The thought of your innocence,
    The way you would have cried in my ear.
    My arms all around you,
    I would have surrounded you.
    You have touched every place in my heart.
    I know it feels so sad and so scary.
    I wish I could have spent one night with you.
    I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.
    I love you so much.
    Please forgive me God!

  • Name: Annette
    PoemName: Tears
    Author: Annette

    My tears will fall,
    No matter where I am.
    I will see you in my children's eyes.
    I will feel you in my heart.
    My tears will fall like rain from the heavens.
    You are with the angels,
    Flying high above in the sky.
    My pain will be here forever,
    and well deserved.
    Wanting to take it back,
    have you there again.
    I'm so sorry baby,
    I didn't mean it.
    I do love you and I am sorry I did it.
    Please know how much you are loved.
    You are in a better place.
    Love,Your Mommy!

  • Name: Annette
    PoemName: My Baby
    Author: Annette


    Seeing the heavens,
    Looking down at the stars,
    Seeing is believing,
    You can see it all.
    One day.......
    I will be with you,
    Looking at the heavens,
    Looking down at the stars.
    Just you and me baby.
    Love,Your Mommy!

  • Name: Angelica
    PoemName: Heartbeat

    Two heartbeats
    one big, one small
    so tiny and little and quiet.
    Scream out to me if you can.
    I'll yell and cry and he'll never understand.
    His heart beats as mine fades away
    with my tears.
    Fade into the sky
    from where you look down at me
    smiling and waiting and knowing that
    I still love you.

    I want you get to you too soon,
    I try to run to you so fast,
    but I just fall into the sound of your heartbeat
    that once filled me with confusion and regret.
    But now I'll never regret having lost you so soon.
    Say hello to my grandpa
    give hugs and kisses to my aunt
    take care of my gerbil
    and wait for me to come.

  • PoemName: Twins
    Author: Mo
    Poem: ~~Twins~~

    Twins are special
    A pair of two
    A gift from God
    To a chosen few

    I was chosen to share
    The wonderful experience of a pair
    But I choose to be selfish
    And take what was theirs

    Ending it all before it had begun
    Just to escape the unknown plan
    The plan God had for me
    I wonder why He stills hears my pleas

    My pleas of forgiveness
    For such a deed
    And act so cold and selfish indeed
    One that isn't easy to let go

    The pain I inflicted on those little ones
    Because I was so bold
    To think I had the right to choose
    Not knowing I would be the one to lose

    Lose many years lost in despair
    Crying, ranting, raving and scared
    Wondering why, oh why, I gave up
    Something so wonderful and dear

    It has taken much time but I finally see
    The sacrifice that was made for me
    My God and my twins they gave all for me
    So that I might finally see

    The gift of love given to me
    A shame it took such a loss for me to learn
    That without Jesus I can only be bound
    But with Him I am finally found

    Thank you babies
    My twins so dear
    Mommy loves you so much
    Forgive me, I want to feel your touch

    Thank you my dears
    For teaching me to release my fears
    Showing me that without my doubts
    I trust in Him and feel His clout

    For only He washes my sins
    Forgotten, forgiven and lost in the wind
    He has bought them with a terrible price
    Paid for with His very life

    A lesson to practice
    A lesson to learn
    Keep my eyes up to Heaven
    And focus on Him

  • PoemName: Deceiver
    Author: Anonymous

    Hearts deceive
    The wayward soul--
    A beat here,
    A pound there.
    The deceiver calls for one to follow,
    Revealing only a place of
    Silence,
    Pain,
    Nothing.

  • PoemName: Repentance
    Author: Laura

    I re-read essays that I've written,
    to remind me where I stand,
    that what I did to you's OK.
    My right - as any woman's.

    In my mind you had no soul,
    and you never lived to die,
    I'm sure my conscience should be clear,
    My hands, no doubt, clean enough.

    But the blade he tells me different,
    the toilet knows the truth,
    For what its worth, I'm sorry,
    Hon, you'll never be replaced.

    My love for you I never gave,
    and never can you get.
    From within me it will never leave,
    I swear no tears for its escape.

    Fear not my angel,
    I know just where I stand,
    This conscience aint so spotless,
    and your hates received - fair-cop.

  • Poem Name: Deliverance
    Author: Leslie

    At a time I'd rather,
    cling to the inside of myself,
    the deception
    of safety and security.
    Living within,
    not reaching without,
    I'd rather wallow in a misery--
    drown in the depths of despair.
    Oh I'd make silent half hearted pleas,
    "Someone help me, this hurts too bad."
    But alone I'd prefer, and lonely I remained.
    My love had been cut off,
    dragged out of me in protest.
    Despite the voice within me,
    fear, doubt, and confusion claimed occupancy.
    Desperate for release
    I agreed to forfeit pieces of myself.

    At a time I've been
    haunted by visions of my past,
    deception from the enemy,
    taunting, "she still exists."
    Tormented,
    existing in struggle,
    I've spent moments in battle with demons from the past.
    I'd cry out for mercy,
    "Oh end this crazy torture!"
    But alone I'd prefer, and lonely I remained.
    Love no longer seemed an option for me,
    I ignored the desperate knocks
    on the door to my heart.
    Despite the voice from the inside
    that longed to be heard,
    I gave rule to guilt, condemnation, and defeat.
    Desperate for understanding,
    I accepted my fate...
    But Love said, "Not so."

    At this time
    Love offered a hand,
    invited me to the outside of myself.
    Dismantling the deception,
    of a life in chronic agony.
    The light of the Son
    exposing the difference between
    guilt and shame.
    I shivered in Love's presence,
    my first instinct to flea.
    But Love heard my silent cries,
    Love came to rescue me.
    I resisted,
    I protested,
    Love insisted,
    and rejected,
    my need to live a life of regret.
    "Mourn for the loss of your children
    as I have mourned mine."
    Blessed is he that mourns,
    for they shall be comforted.
    Revelations strike deep the chords
    of knowledge and a time once forgotten.
    One day I will see the smiles
    I've only at this time dreamt about.
    I've been forgiven...
    "Where there was once death,
    I can offer life."
    In truth, He showed me what I am
    In love, He showed me as I could be.
    I was cold,
    dead and buried.
    He offered warmth,
    life and liberty.

    At this time I
    stand in my deliverance.
    Deception
    has been commanded
    to release it's bony grip...

    I am beginning to see that in fear, doubt,
    confusion, and selfishness,
    I gave power to death.

    And in brokeness I seek chance for life.

  • Name: ME
    PoemName: Little girls
    Author: ME

    Here its the second Christmas without you.
    Id give all I have to change that fact.
    My heart is so broken and torn apart I fear there is no healing for it I hold your new baby sister and all I think of is the two of you. I shed tears and hours of pain and regret and there is no consolation for it I hear three little sets of feet in the house, a new pair banging on the floor, another running through the kitchen( haven't I told him not to do that before)

    another pair tiptoeing around practicing for her first ballet She is so graceful she be great in the dances Im crying all alone daddy's gone for the night. The first two have gone to sleep and the little one is still pounding her feet.

    On Monday it will have been two years since you were taken away And my womb is just as torn now as it was on that day. There is a silence that has moved over the house. Its been a bad day not because he hasn't called not because of the tears of the little one not because the oldest was stomping around or due to the middle boy screaming aloud.

    No it was the silence I heard through all the noise The quiet in that little space where the two of you should have been. My little dreamer my Niamh and my princess Janelle My heart has never left you and my mind never will. The pain today is like a fresh open sore. I dont feel like I used to anymore.

    A few days ago We made snow prints on the window. Your biggest sister sprayed the last bit and I cried.. She said but mommy its beautiful theres my hand prints and brother and sisters But the ones we forgot-- they were yours.. A set at the top and one at the bottom and a tiny pair in the corner and there in the middle there is a spot glaring at me the moonlight shining through. That's were your handprints should have been

    If I had had the two of you.
    My heart has little comfort
    My soul very little rest
    my mind is in torment and all because of what he thought was best. My regret is overflowing and my hell of my own device I chose to hide from the reality and took a liars advice. Ill kiss you one day just not today. Ill hug and hold you one day but not even tomorrow until then ill hold a space for you Where that spot in my heart is hollow.

    Someday Ill ask you to forgive me but not right now one year ill get through without aching but not this one Someday We be a family again we'll live together and dance on the wind Ill tuck your little red curls behind you tiny little ears and we play in the rain forever

    Ill hear your little feet against the water in rhythm with the other three pairs and we will play together in the rain for the rest of forever.....

  • PoemName: Closed
    My eyes are closed so I can't see
    the eyes that are staring back at me

    My mind retreats my soul goes numb
    my heart is aching with the pain I run from

    through the darkness which I loath and fear
    on my cheek drops a tear

    a streak of hope faith redemption
    glimmers and fades

    good bye...


  • PoemName: If..
    If i don't look back
    If i don't slow down
    No one can catch me..

    If i don't think
    If i don't make a sound
    No one can catch me...

    If i drag myself from day to day
    If i smile and laugh my life away
    No one can catch me...

    If i look the part
    If i ignore my heart
    No one can catch me...

    If i close my eyes
    If i hear the cries
    No one is left to catch me...

  • Name: Christi-Lee
    PoemName: Rocking
    Author: Christi-Lee

    The chair is rocking
    there is no one there
    I keep watching

    The chair is rocking
    there are no tears
    I keep watching

    The chair is rocking
    there is no sound
    I keep watching

    The chair is rocking
    an image forms
    I keep watching

    The chair is rocking
    I yearn for you
    I keep watching

    The chair is rocking

  • Poem: Little Angel

    Who knew that day when he gave me a kiss
    I would receive your life as a special gift
    A gift so beautiful perfect and sacred
    I didn't know exactly how to take it
    You were my blessing and my curse
    More importantly you were my first
    My baby boy or my baby girl
    You brought new love into my world
    Who could've known or foreseen
    What your life to me would truly mean
    A new little life I had in my hands
    Still I wonder if you should've been given a chance
    But on that day we made the ultimate sacrifice
    I went to the doctor to give your life
    Your tiny life paid the consequence
    For the huge mistake made by your parents
    So today your beautiful soul now floats free
    Surrounded by calm and peace for all eternity
    So now Little Angel the one above
    I want you to know you'll always have Mommy's LOVE

    Mommy Loves You
    expected DOB 5/17/99

  • Name: Jess
    PoemName: Journey 18.2.99
    Author: Jess

    We talk, sing and laugh
    as if complications
    were the furthest thing
    from my mind.
    'Blubber Boy" belts out on the cd player
    and for a moment i have that feeling
    of nostalgia.
    that 'something from the past'...innocence
    i can glimpse only for a moment -
    and wonder if I'll ever feel it again.
    i smile, and all the way there
    i can't help thinking
    it should be raining.

    Anne Geddes arrangements
    cover the walls, innocent little faces
    peering at me,
    with all the trust and hope
    in the world.
    Pregnant women
    with beautifully rounded bellies
    come and go,
    mothers lugging capsules and tiny bundles in their arms.
    I place a hand on my own flat stomach
    and try to hide my nervousness,
    desperate to shake the feeling
    that everyone knows why i'm here.
    I feel numb, and i can hear the rain
    tapping on the skylight.

    I make my way back to the car
    and sit quietly, placid,
    the atmosphere a complete opposite
    of the lively trip in.
    I feel guilt and grief
    after the simplicity of the procedure
    and i cry silently,
    looking out the window
    the scenery passes steady and unseen.
    In my mind i see the tiny shape on the monitor,
    and I wonder if my baby would have been
    a boy this time.
    The rain has stopped,
    but the sky and my heart
    are both clouded and dark

  • Name: Dawn P. Morse
    Poem Name: Elisabeth's Poem
    Author: Dawn P. Morse
    Poem: Where has my baby gone?
    Has she ever grown up?
    Has she ever seen light?

    No, 'tis best to say there was
    No child in my womb,
    Only a bad dream.

    Yet something inside me cries out-
    Where has my baby gone?
    Am I mad, or did I feel her reach
    Out to me for life?

    She never saw the sun's light.
    She never had a breath of air.

  • Name: Jennie
    PoemName: Day 57
    Author: Jennie

    It has been 57 days since i went to the clinic, and contrary to popular belief, time does not heal all wounds. i feel as empty today as i did the day i let you die.

    i have many reasons, many answers, many excuses for my decision. but the most logical, not to mention the most truthful, is that i am a selfish fucking pig. i did not think of you. i did not think of the firsts you would have had, the smiles you would have smiled, the scraped elbows, the hockey games, the bullies at school, the spelling bee victories. i did not think of your first tooth, your first day of school, your first girlfriend, your first child. i did not think of these things.

    now, i live each day trying to convince myself that what I've done is the "right decision for me". i try to believe that it is better this way, that i can always have more children, and that your soul is simply waiting for me to be ready for you.

    You know what, Jacob? that's bullshit.

    fact of the matter is, i regret what I've done. i could have made it work, Jacob. we could have been all right, just me, you and your older sister. it didn't matter that you were conceived out of rape. you were MINE. and as trite as it sounds now, i love you. always have since the beginning of time. always will.

    please believe me, my jacob samuel, you're better off without me. i'm a shit.

  • Name: Karin
    Poem Name: the choice
    Author: me

    My baby would be
    two this week
    but there is no child
    crying at my feet
    and no one calls me mother.

    Yes, I chose me
    over he or she.
    Narcisism to the
    highest degree?

    Perhaps.

    But I chose to leave
    Judgment to
    the powers that be,
    as I continue my quest
    for the phenomenon of we.

  • Name: Anonymous
    Poem Name: Letting Go
    Author: Unknown


    Inside me you lived.
    For such a short time.
    I gave my consent.
    I committed a crime.

    Life was a gift.
    That you did not receive.
    I loved you more.
    Than you'd ever believe,

    Talking to you,
    As I turn out the light,
    "I love you, you know?
    I miss you. Goodnight."

    Now you are living,
    In a world up above.
    I can't see you or touch you
    But I give you my love.

    The Angel up there,
    Who's hand that you hold;
    She'll be watching you for me,
    Until it's my hand you hold.

    I'll see you one day,
    When we meet in the sky,
    "This hello is forever,
    Never again a goodbye."

    The pain I remember,
    Of letting you go.
    I think of you always
    I love you. You know?

  • Name: Blues Clues
    Poem Name: Yesterday,Today, Tomorrow
    Author: H M S

    YESTERDAY

    I was so sad
    I didn't care about anything
    whether good or bad
    I hated myself for the mistakes I made
    And couldn't forgive myself
    even with aid
    But tomorrow will come
    and then it will go
    To me it doesn't matter
    for I feel llke no one
    I kept asking myself
    "How could I have done that?"
    It seemed so horrible
    that thing which is now fact.

    I feel like a thousand pieces
    all scattered around
    They are lying on the cold flat ground
    I know I have to pick them up
    But I can't just collect them in a cup
    First these pieces have to be
    figured out
    Then there will be little doubt
    These pieces have to be put
    back together
    And then and only then will I be better

    TODAY

    I am awake
    I want to live and
    be the best that I can be
    I want to love others and
    others to love me
    I want to follow the footprints
    that will lead me to success
    I want to be happy like all the rest
    I'm ready to make decisions
    both small and large
    But also to know when they are too hard
    This is the time I will ask for help
    But for right now I want to do it myself

    TOMORROW

    I want a fresh start
    With a brand new lovable heart
    I want to be happy and be able to smile
    For an extra long while
    I want to accomplish something fun
    And feel successful when I'm done
    But most of all I want to be me
    Whether it be
    The old me
    The new me
    Or a combination of the two
    I want to feel
    ALIVE

  • is Bliss

    by: The Dreamer 5-24-99

    Where were you when the tears began to fall
    In hours of torture I danced at insanity's ball
    Spirits numbed the silent and thoughtless frown
    When cherished icons crashed to unholy ground

    Tiny threads that hold my soul to such a darkened place
    Franticly I reached for hope's tranquil embrace
    Slipping slowly to lye where dismal spirits dwell
    Could you not release me from such a loveless hell

    Anger rose as my fragile heart shattered
    Walk away, for you this life shall never matter
    As I stepped across to this endless night
    Onward slipping one step to the edge of sin and light

    Alone I face innocence as it's ripped apart
    Conquer not the demons entering my empty heart
    Angels wildly scream for only me to hear
    Absolution never for the broken sacred bonds I fear

    What evil gave such choice without noble grace
    Grief begot regret and bore disillusions I must face
    God the forgiver and the unmotherly sinner forever parted
    As the gift of life is thrown away, torn, and discarded

    Dare you ever show remorse or care
    Your creation grew, yet never consumed a breath of air
    Hold for you forever my hurt and disdain
    No man are you, never acknowledging this loss or pain

  • In loving memory of "Tony"
    By 'Anonymous'

    The month of July comes with deep regret,
    The 14 th i will never forget.

    The pain was deep, and so severe,
    You did not know the end was near.

    I saw you moving on the screen,
    My heart was beating, i wanted to scream.

    I should have ran the other way,
    But his voice rang out "you have to stay"

    He was not with me, he was at work.
    Just another day, such a Jerk.

    I try to understand why he never let me vent or cry,
    After all, you were a part of him and I.

    He made me put my sadness high on a shelf,
    Only to be taken down, alone, by myself.

    No one knows the pain i suffer,
    And that, i have no choice but to cover.

    Women who miscarry cry and "wonder why"
    Women who chose to abort, live with guilt and cry,cry.

    The shame, guilt and regret i now feel,
    Will forever be with me, and is so very real.

    The stream of tears roll down my cheeks,
    The days turning into weeks.

    If i could but make one little wish,
    I would take back that day in just a jiff!

    A part of my soul went too, you see
    The moment you were taken out of me.

    I wished sleep would take me away,
    To a deserted island, only you and i could stay.

    Sadly enough, life goes on,
    I know today that I was wrong.

    I catch myself saying "maybe"
    Could there be a reason i lost this baby.....

    I live with anger, resentment and a heavy heart,
    For the other person who took no part.......

    I thank God and the stars above,
    for sending me Shirley,
    A friend who I love.

    By my side, all the way,
    Sitting next to me on that terrible day.

    Forgive me Tony, my child, my son......
    I am suffering......
    But "HIM"......he won.


    Forever,
    Me, your Mom.

  • slice
    by jilly

    Every dream comes down to one moment
    Every dream has a turn it can take
    going around and around for this moment
    never understanding, until it's too late

    When the pain comes
    and the knife turns
    and the blood flows
    and the wound burns

    Life is a drink
    with a bittersweet rind
    making me do
    what I don't

    Broken dreams have jagged edges
    A solitary slice
    Reminds me that I have not settled
    feelings cased in ice

    Every life comes down to one moment
    Every life has a turn it can take
    going around and around for this moment
    never understanding, until it's too late


  • The Mother
    Submitted by Iris,
    written by Gwendolyn Brooks

    Abortions will not let you forget.
    You remember the children you got that you did not get,
    The damp small pulps with a little or with no hair,
    The singers and workers that never handled the air.

    You will never neglect or beat Them,
    or silence or buy with a sweet.
    You will never wind up the sucking-thumb
    Or scuttle off ghosts that come.

    You will never leave them, controlling your luscious sigh,
    Return for a snack of them, with gobbling mother-eye.
    I have heard in the voices of the wind
    the voices of my dim killed children.
    I have contracted.
    I have eased My dim dears
    at the breasts they could never suck.

    I have said, Sweets, if I sinned,
    if I seized Your luck And your lives
    from your unfinished reach,
    If I stole your births and your names,
    Your straight baby tears and your games,
    Your stilted or lovely loves,
    your tumults, your marriages, aches, and your deaths,
    If I poisoned the beginning of your breaths,
    Believe that even in my deliberateness I was not deliberate.

    Though why should I whine,
    Whine that the crime was other than mine?--
    Since anyhow you are dead.
    Or rather, or instead,
    You were never made.

    But that too, I am afraid, Is faulty:
    oh, what shall I say,
    how is the truth to be said?

    You were born, you had body, you died.
    It is just that you never giggled or planned or cried.
    Believe me, I love you all.
    Believe me, I knew you,
    though faintly,
    and I loved,
    I loved you
    All.

  • "three am"
    by Anonymous

    it's three a.m. and i just vacuumed the apartment fiercely. i prefer it a touch messier, wouldn't vacuum it at all, actually, but this rented space has little extra room. it's not quite a comfortable place. there's no fucking room for clutter so i sucked up the extraneous stuff against my will.

    i'm wondering if i could get a little rest tonight. i know, i know, gloria always tells me it's a nonbaby, an un-person. but what she does not understand is that in my dreams, when my nonbabies cry, they sound an awful lot like my daughters and my sons.

    embryo god, have i appeased you yet? my eyes have grown dull from the penance. i'm here in a fetal ball. across town, he seeks his own salvation, more productive, perhaps, but relentless and frantic all the same. what else shall you require as a sacrifice? this has been enough, I'd say.

    it's three a.m. and my mind's trying to forget but my body's stuck in the day when they accidentally suctioned out chunks of my soul along with that other tissue stuff. the interior is clean now, empty, sterile. i wait with just a touch of hope that someday it can be filled from within, that i can regenerate a bit of life.

  • Fallen
    by Anonymous

    Oh my feet
    They have fallen
    I slipped into a folly
    and I failed to be brave

    I have walked into a hole
    That has become a river
    That has become a cave
    That is becoming my grave

    I have failed to be brave
    and I stood inside that hole
    that consumed my feet
    and concealed where they had been

    Oh my tears they did flow
    and they became a river
    that has eroded all the soil
    and exposed the solid rock

    this rock encased my soul
    (I failed to be brave)
    My feet became so angry
    My hand became tight fists
    I stood and I beat against the rock
    and I became its slave
    Yet still I burrowed deeper and deeper
    and my life became a cave

    I have stone all around me
    inside me and covering and wrapped around me
    This cave has begun to close in on me
    I had dug a groove so deep and hid deep down inside
    I had left only a crack so light MIGHT get inside
    But that crack began to fill with hate and filth and soot
    from a fire that burned inside

    That cave became our grave
    yours and mine, girls
    This is where I smell you
    This is where I hold you when I lie
    I lay my head down for a rest and I fall into my sin
    For here is where i hold you in my tomb within my soul
    Here is where I keep you, so no one else will know

    I cannot hold you in my womb
    But I have born you in this tomb

    I smell you
    I love you
    I cherish you
    I bear you
    I feel you
    I've hurt you

    My cave has become a terror
    No longer my protection
    Just my shame
    just my sorrow
    just my womb

    I see things come and go
    The days
    the year
    and I figure how you'd grown

    Are you like your mommy
    so conserved and
    so confused and
    so incomplete
    or are you like your daddy,
    So free?

  • July
    by jilly

    The quiet room
    No one there
    I sit and listen
    trying to hear

    The pillow shows
    a few wet stains
    dryer now,
    though the tears remain

    Endless silence, dragging on
    Endless silence, I feel gone

  • Number 9
    by Emily Dickenson , 1896

    Each that we lose takes part of us;
    A crescent still abides,
    Which like the moon, some turbid night,
    Is summoned by the tides.

    More Poems - Poems Page 2



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